


Tentative Talks

by VenusOurania



Series: Détente [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Hopeful Ending, Angst with a soft ending, Angst with an Ambiguous Ending, Frigga is a Good Mom, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Mind Control, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Mentions of Canonical Suicide Attempt, One-Shot, Past Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24286276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VenusOurania/pseuds/VenusOurania
Summary: Odin’s discovery left their whole family reeling, but Frigga most of all. She had thought she knew her son well, but perhaps she didn’t know him all that much.
Relationships: Frigga | Freyja & Loki (Marvel)
Series: Détente [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1752034
Comments: 25
Kudos: 170





	Tentative Talks

Frigga stood outside Loki’s chambers, nervously smoothing down non existent creases at the front of her dress. 

How had she been so blind? She’d even visited Loki in his cell a few times, and not once had she thought anything wrong with what was happening. Had one year separated been enough to make her forget what her own son was like? 

She should have known, known that however resentful, her son couldn’t have done something like that. And she knew better than anyone that Loki had never wanted any throne either. Attention, yes. But nothing so big. She used to think she knew her son, knew that he wouldn’t want that big of a responsibility anyway, but she’d still believed whatever had been said. Whatever her limited vision had shown her. 

How could she have failed her son like that? It seems they’d done nothing but make mistakes with Loki. 

Taking a deep breath, she raised a hand to tentatively knock on the door, feeling uncharacteristically anxious. 

There was no answer. Just when she was about to knock again, she heard a faint clicking sound and the door unlocked. 

Loki was sitting on his desk, his back straight and hands folded over the table. He didn’t appear to be doing anything right now. He didn’t even turn to look at her when she entered. There were visible bags under his eyes which he hadn’t bothered to glamour, his face was gaunt and even paler than usual. 

“Mother,” he said, voice flat. 

Frigga had to keep from slumping down in relief. Loki still called her mother. She hadn’t known how much it was bothering her until Loki said it. 

“Loki,” she ventured, “My son.” She walked closer to him, but he didn’t react in the least. 

When she was close enough to touch, she rested her hand lightly on his shoulders, hoping he won’t shrug her off. 

“I remember asking you if I’d made you proud,” Loki turned to look at her, and didn’t shrug off her hand. She flinched nonetheless. She’d never understood what he’d meant with that. How could she have been proud of him? She’d assumed he was mocking her.

Loki’s head was tilted to the side inquisitively. 

“For how brave you were?” she said, finally, “Always.” She hoped she wasn’t saying something wrong. She couldn’t be sure with Loki anymore.

Loki just nodded and turned away from her, and she tried to ignore the pang in her chest. 

“He was there even when I was in Midgard,” he said after a small pause. She took a deep breath to settle herself. Mind magic had always been invasive, so easy to turn horrendous, ugly. Loki had known that too, and had more than a few defences for his mind. But he couldn’t have stood much longer against an Infinity Stone.

She pulled out a chair and sat down next to Loki, still not removing her hand from him, close enough that their knees were touching. 

He continued as if he hadn’t even noticed her sitting down, “Everyone says that I was gone for any year.”

“You were, Loki. We thought you were dead.” 

“I didn’t know that.” For a second Frigga frowned, he didn’t know that they thought him dead? And then it clicked. 

“Oh Loki, how long did you think it was?” 

“There is no real concept of time in the void, or… or wherever I was. He called it Sanctuary.” She was glad that Loki was opening up, trusting her enough to tell her something, anything. But that didn’t make hearing this any easier. Hear about how much your child has suffered. 

“Fa-- the All-Father says neither him nor Heimdall could see me.” Frigga wished she could gauge what he was feeling, what he was thinking, but his face remained as impassive as ever.

“They couldn’t. We tried, we tried for so long, Loki. No one forgot about you,” _ we mourned. Me and your father and your brother.  _ She noticed how he hadn’t called Odin his father, not yet. She hoped it was only temporary, that Loki hasn’t given up entirely on his father.

“Tell me, Mother, did Odin come down because he thought there might be something wrong with me,” his lips twisted, “Or because he suspected some threat to Asgard?” 

Frigga hesitated. She couldn’t fault Odin for that, he had duty as a King, but he was also a father. But if Frgga couldn’t see anything wrong, how could he?

Loki noticed her hesitation and gave her a bitter smile, “Of course.” 

“Loki,” she started, wanting to say something, to make him understand that he was still his father, that he still cared for him.

“I get it,” he cut her off, “No one noticed for so long, why would they then? And, after all, Thanos _ is _ a threat. A big one at that.”

“But you’re also our son,” Frigga said, her heart aching. He’d thought that they could see him, that they knew and had never done anything about it, never tried to save him.  _ ‘You were never there,’ _ that’s what he’d said to Odin.

“But Asgard comes first.” 

She didn’t know how to counteract it, as King, for Odin, Asagrd will always have to come first, it was a burden he’d had to bear for many millennia.

“That doesn’t negate the fact that we love you.” 

Loki didn’t argue, but didn't respond either, just fidgeted with his fingers. A gesture she recognised as her own.

“It took him a while, you know?” Loki said suddenly, “To break my defences. The defences you’d taught me how to make. So long ago.” 

She looked at him, and felt pride and hurt blooming in her heart in equal measures. Her son, still fighting, even against the Mind Stone, against all odds. She wasn’t even surprised. 

“But pain makes your concentration waver, did you know that? Of course you knew.” He was still fidgeting. Still not looking at her. 

“There’s no shame in faltering, my son,” Frigga lifted her hand and rested it on Loki's head, stroking his hair lightly, lest he wanted her touch gone, “An Infinity Stone has power beyond imagination. And even the strongest people falter sometimes.” 

“Do you know everything that happened in Midgard?” Loki asked, instead of acknowledging what she said. 

She bit her lip, “Not everything. But… a lot of it, yes.” 

“Do you know about how I used the scepter?” 

She did know, and it had horrified her, how someone could take away another’s will so absolutely. But the fact that her own son was under the influence of the scepter… she didn’t know if it made everything worse or better. 

She nodded. 

“I wasn’t under its control like that.”

Frigga didn’t allow her hand to falter in it’s stroking, just listened. Loki had more to say, and her hand seemed to be comforting him. She hoped it was. 

“He wasn’t controlling me, he was just… there.” 

Frigga gritted her teeth, she didn’t know that much about Thanos, but what she did know was shadowed with dark deeds, evil intentions, and too much death and destruction. The thought of Loki spending a whole year- or more, with him sent something unpleasant slithering under her skin. 

“Not- not Thanos. He had a… lieutenant. Or something, I don’t know. I don’t even know his name, everyone just called him The Other.” A shudder wracked his body and Frigga laced her fingers with his hand, holding on tightly; never pausing the hand in his hair.

“Most of what I did was of my own will,” Loki said, and Frigga heard the crack in his voice. She tightened her grip on his hand. 

“But he was there, wasn’t he? You didn’t have much choice,” she didn’t know who she was comforting at this point, him or herself. 

“But I still did it. I don’t even know the full count of the people I killed.” 

“Not you, Loki,” Frigga said, quickly, gently, “It was him, you were just his…” she trailed off, the unsaid word left a bitter taste on her tongue. 

“Tool, weapon. I know. Doesn’t make me any less responsible.” 

“Thanos used you,” she said, quietly, wanting to flinch at her own words. 

“I gave in,” he said as if he hadn’t heard her, “I gave in after… after a while. You all say one year, but it felt like more. Or perhaps it was less. It didn’t  _ feel _ like one year, but I gave in at the end. It got too much. And the Other… he used to enjoy it. He was- he was creative.” 

Frigga noticed a plate of food on the bedside table, grimacing. It was still full. It looked cold. He hadn’t eaten breakfast then. There were also a few books stacked upon it. One of them was open and face down over the others. The same ones she’d sent to him in his cell. She stopped that line of thought there. 

She was trying to distract herself from the pain in Loki’s voice, and she recognised it as a coward’s move. But won’t every mother? Won’t any mother want to do the same in the face of their child’s hurt?

“He is a monster.” The disgust in her voice was clear as glass.

“And am I not one too?” Loki gave her a wan smile, and Frigga resisted the urge to close her eyes. 

“No,” she said firmly, “Never,” with every dredge of conviction she could put in her voice. 

“Not even when I tried to destroy an entire realm?” She ignored the challenge in his voice. She won’t let him use self depreciation as a coping mechanism.

Frigga took a deep breath, and hoping that he won’t push her away, pulled Loki to herself. He put his head against her shoulder willingly, and she ran her hand down his back, before settling it there. Her other hand was still laced together with his. 

“You were distraught. We shouldn’t have kept such an important secret from you for so long. We shouldn’t have let the hatred against the Jotnar grow so much. There are many places where we went wrong, Loki, and I only hope you can forgive me and your father.”A part of her was expecting Loki to say that he wasn’t her father, but he didn’t say anything. Frigga kept her sigh quiet.

“I missed you,” he said at last. In a barely audible voice, as if afraid of saying it. “I even missed Th-Thor.” 

Despite whatever he had said, despite whatever had happened, Frigga had been sure that Loki still loved his brother. One year, one dispute, however big, wasn’t enough to undo centuries of love. There were moments when her surety wavered, but never fell. 

“I know,” she whispered, “I know.”

She felt him lift his head up and smile at her. This time his smile felt a little more genuine. 

“Don’t tell him I said that, he’d think I’ve become a sap.” His voice was wobbly. 

She smiled back faintly, her vision blurring with tears she hadn’t known were brimming her eyes. She had noticed his omission of Odin, but still felt hope in her heart that Loki was just indulging in his stubborn pride. A pride all men in her family seemed to share. 

“Can’t have him thinking that now,” she agreed. He rested his head back against her, sighing audibly, something weary and worn in it.

“I wish I hadn’t let go,” the crack in his voice seemed to widen, “Why did I let go? It all seems so insignificant in the face of what’s actually out there.” Her heart clenched at the childlike quality of his tone, soft and delicate and scared. A few tears spilled down her cheeks, and she had to swallow once before speaking.

“Significance is subjective. Constancy is a lie. Priorities change, views change,  _ you _ change. You can’t undo the past, but you can shape the future. And you don’t have to do it alone anymore.” Adding that last word hurt her on some deep maternal level, but she knew it was the truth. They hadn’t been there for him in the moments he needed them the most, and Frigga could be brutal with herself when necessary.

Loki was quiet for a while, as if absorbing everything she’d said. Norns, she hoped he was, that he understood what she said, that he believed her when she said he doesn’t have to be alone anymore. 

“He used it against me, that moment when I’d let go. Twisted it so much that there were times I thought Thor… or Father had thrown me off, or that I had- I had jumped instead of letting go. Made me relive that moment over and over again. It felt like he was actually changing the past.” Their fingers tightened around each other, and Frigga was sure they’d both be sporting hand shaped bruises around their fingers later. She couldn’t care less. Her throat felt like it was closing in on itself. She couldn’t even revel in the fact that he’d called Odin father.

The fabric of her dress was growing damp, and Loki’s body was shaking ever so slightly. She wished she could help him more, she wished she could wipe his mind of those memories, that she could erase the whole year, and then some. She wanted to start over, to do things right this time. 

But she’d herself said that you couldn’t change the past. Oh, what a bitter fruit truth could be. They said it set you free, but sometimes all it did was confine. Some lies gave the illusion of freedom, some truths didn’t even do that. 

“You’re here now, he can’t reach you. He will have to get through me, through your father and your brother. We won’t let him. Won’t let them touch you, not even over our corpses.” The fierce determination burned in her as bright as her love for him. Loki stilled for a moment.

“Don’t,” he choked, “Don’t say that. I can’t lose you. I… I thought I’d lost you once. I'd rather go through that again then deal with your loss."

"Oh, Loki," she whispered, kissing Loki's hair softly, "I'm not leaving you, never again. I'm here. All of us are."

They stayed like that for a while, and slowly the tremors eased. The tear tracks on her face had dried, but she could still feel him crying, however silent. She wished he would make some sound, to let out the pain he was feeling more vocally, but he’d always chosen to keep his sufferings to himself, rarely ever coming to her for comfort in his later years. She wondered if it made him feel weak, to display such emotions. His body was limp in her arms, even though she was sure the position was uncomfortable at best. She tried to think back on the last time he might have been comforted so, and was ashamed to admit she couldn’t think of one.

“He called them his children.” 

Frigga startled at Loki’s quiet voice, and looked down at him. He hadn’t lifted his head from her shoulder, but was speaking softly, “The whole… Black Order. He said they were his sons and daughters.” 

The vicious twist of rage she felt at those words was perhaps to be expected, but it still surprised her. How could Thanos turn something so pure as the relationship of a parent and child into something so ugly? “He is a twisted, worm eating pest, a ginormous mongrel who deserves nothing but to spend an eternity in agony.”

Frigga thought she felt Loki smile faintly against her, but it was fleeting. “A lot of them were there willingly. They believed in what he wanted.” 

_ And what did he want? _ Frigga wanted to ask, it was a question which had been bothering Odin, but aware of Loki’s fragile state, no one had pushed him. Had not even considered pushing him. So Frigga remained quiet; right now, her son came first.

“Then they are just as abhorrent as him,” she said simply. 

Loki sighed, “I am tired, Mother.” 

Frigga hesitated, she didn’t want to leave him, but would do as Loki wished, “Do you want me to leave?” 

Loki lifted his head from her shoulder, and looked at her. And it was only because he was hunched over that they could see each other on eye level. He was taller than her, had been for many decades now, still she never stopped seeing him the toddler, barely reaching her knees, showing her his first illusion.

She blinked back the tears that welled up in her eyes and paid attention to what Loki wanted to say.

“No. I don’t… I don’t want you to go. Stay? Just a while?” The vulnerability in his eyes, his voice, felt glaring now. How had she not noticed it earlier? They had all been fooled by his acidic words, just a facade. Had he been hoping to derail them? Or had he been hoping they’d notice his pain? 

They hadn’t, though. They hadn’t noticed his real demeanor, not until they had hard evidence of something wrong. The guilt clawed at her, she’d told him that he had ended up in the cell of his own actions. That wasn’t true, was it? She could only wonder at what might have gone through his mind at that. 

“Of course, my dear, come on, let’s get you more comfortable.” She said, helping him stand, and guiding him over to the bed. He didn’t lie down, just sat, his back against the headboard on the bed, and Frigga sat beside him. Their hands were still entwined, warm.

“I am afraid,” he whispered. And Frigga knew how hard it must have been for him to admit that. She let him lay his head on her lap, and resumed stroking his head. 

“He’s… he’s not in my head anymore, but I am still afraid. Still scared, that he’d… he’d do something. Because I failed.” Frigga clenched her jaw, her murderous intents were sparking more and more. She didn’t know if she’d ever hated anymore more at this moment.

“You’re safe here.” 

“I know that… I just- it’s hard to convince myself.” She knew, she understood. Knowing something in your mind but not in your heart. She sometimes still couldn’t believe that she had her son back. The good things were often harder to believe than the bad. The feeling of ‘too good to be true’ threatened to overwhelm her on many occasions. 

“Then we will tell you as many times as you need to hear it.” 

Frigga felt him nod, and then go quiet. Neither of them spoke, and she could feel Loki grow drowsy. She pressed a kiss to his forehead, and told him to sleep, humming a little, layering her voice with a hint of soothing magic, something she knew Loki recognised. She hoped it made him feel safe, even if just a little. 

He relaxed further against her, and said, his voice tired and soft, “You’ll… stay?” 

“Yes, as long as you want, as long as you need.” And then some. 

**Author's Note:**

> The response I got for the first part was overwhelming, and I couldn't resist writing this sequel. 
> 
> Frigga had always been one of my favourite characters, someone I admired a lot. So writing her, while still a challenge, felt really good. I am not a monther, nor do I really intend to become one, but I hope that I got accross all the motherly feelings well. The bond of a mother with their child.
> 
> I might add another part with Thor. But that remains to be seen. Please tell me what you all thought of this!


End file.
